Marcello

My friend Marcello is from Brazil. He has a great accent. It is, how you say, fantastic.

Recent conversation.

Me: Amanda, do you play any instruments?

Amanda: Yes. I've played piano, flute, and trombone at various times in my life.

Marcello (off to the side): Ah jes, I looove seex.

Me: (coughing) what???

Marcello: What? I like jazz.

Now I Have a Legitimate Medical Reason...

...to move out of this state.

I saw the allergist today for a skin test. He said I was allergic to trees, grass and weeds -- a lot of them!

Then he drew a line on a piece of paper. On one end he wrote January, on the other end, December. Then he sectioned off the line and said, 'This part is tree season. This part is grass season. This part is weed season."

To sum up: I'm allergic to Florida.


The good news: I will never do yard work again.

White Elephant

Does the white elephant game ever work out?

On Friday, my white elephant gift was three Christmas stockings.

On Monday, my white elephant gift was a pop-up book.

The Top Five Worst States

At lunch today, my friends and I started ranking the worst states (I don't remember why). At the risk of offending someone, here are the top 5.

5. Florida
4. Alabama
3. Kentucky
2. West Virginia

and...
1. Arkansas is the worst state.


I am sorry.

Whoops!

I had a tug-of-war with the cup bearer during communion Sunday. I walked up with my bread and grabbed the cup of wine. He tugged back. Then I tugged. Then he tugged. So, I shrugged, put my hands behind my back, and put my lips to the cup -- where he began to feed me the wine. I thought this seemed a little strange, so I sort of snorted and blew wine up in my face.

When I walked away, I looked around and saw the rest of the church dip their bread in the cup.

Whoops!