Service

My computer recently had a 'service' update from ITG.

And by service they mean:
1. We will make you do this whether you like it or not.
2. After your 'service' update is complete, your computer will not work anymore.
3. When you come to us with this problem, we talk in computer jargon and breathe heavily.

Wine Country

Sonoma Valley

Bay to the Breakers Race

Talk to the Hand

Dr. Suess Things

March of the Penguins

Insider Knowlege

I was explaining to Jon's friend Michelle that I saw blatant public urination today - TWICE! One time was some guy on a hill as Luis and I rode by on a bus! The second time was a car load of us sitting at a stop light and the guy to our right sprung a leak right in front of us!

Was her response to this information:
a. That's digusting!
b. That makes me so mad.
c. I'm shocked!
or
d. Well, that's San Francisco...

It was d.

Take Me

Not Amused

I was talking with Luis about this girl we know that he said he found attractive.

Me: You should ask her out.

Luis: No, I don't want to ask her out. We don't have anything in common.

Me (eye roll): Well, if you find someone who plays video games and smokes a pipe, I guess you found your girl. (followed by my gut-ache laughter looking at Luis' stone face. He was not amused.)

Spotted

Luis and I must look like dead-on tourists. Why else would some guy run up to us while we were walking around Chinatown and ask: Do you guys know where to see the live frogs and chickens?

Weird Travel Sightings

As I was walking to baggage claim in the San Francisco airport, I saw a very large man with baggy white shorts walking around with one of those blow-up u-shaped pillows wedged around his neck. He looked neckless. It was a continuous line from head to body. And it served no purpose other than perhaps holding his giant head up.

Bennigan's Banter

Blake: How old are you?

Me: 36

Brandon (across the table): WHAT?!?!?! Your 36?!?!?

Me: Yes.

Brandon: There's no way you're 36.

Me: Want to see my license?

Blake: There's grey in his beard, dude.

Brandon (to Waitress who just walked up): How old do you think he is?

Waitress: Ummm, 24.

Brandon: He's 36!

Waitress (unimpressed): Wow, that's really good.

Me: Thanks. Can I have your number then?

Waitress: No.

Marriage

I went to my married men's group last night. Why I'm in this group is another story. Some lessons learned:

a The grass is NOT greener on the other side. My grass isn't greener either.

a Husbands never win fights and shouldn't try.

a Every romatic Hollywood inclination of marriage that I've ever had is now verily dispelled.

a The husbands' job is to keep his wife happy. Because 'wife no happy, husband no happy.'

a Sometimes it's important to refrain from stating acual thoughts in favor of 'Yes, honey.'

a No guy would trade it for ANYTHING! [Cool!]

a Every wife has helped her husband in immeasurable ways.

What's So Funny?

My groin is sore. It's actually my groin muscle. I have found that stating this fact publicly has caused some people to try to muffle their laughter. Some have even gotten the shakes when I start rubbing my thigh and while saying I need a deep tissue massage.

Pancakes

My nephew Ryan after eating pancakes.

Staff Meeting Rabbit Trails

Topics that came up during staff meeting this morning:

l Menopause
l Eating a box of Ding Dongs in your underpants over the weekend
l Transvestite carpenters
l Blueberry coffee obtained from a gas station
l Children causing their parents financial ruin, and
l 'Barfing your brains out'

Hit and Run

I'm looking for a word. I want to describe the person who, as soon he he sees you in a social setting, makes a beeline for you, cuts in on your conversation, and drives the other people you were talking to away. This person is awkward and a linger-er, so maybe he's an 'awkwalinger'. They don't know when to move on. And they're trying to fill their need for validation by sucking the life out of you.

They need to learn the hit and run method. Come in, say hello, and keep it moving! This happened to me last week. I was having a good conversation with someone I really wanted to talk to, until I got ambushed by this dude, who demanded my attention and drove my friend away.

Pet Peeve

I'm a fairly patient person, but one thing that annoys me is when certain people you only see at work sidle up to you in the kitchen and start naming parts of your lunch and analyzing your eating patterns. For example, this happened, nay verily, 5 minutes ago ..."hmmm, tomatoe, chicken, eggs.... You are a healthy eater, aren't you?"
That person is a sidler. I'm thinking, 'Look, I don't know you, buddy. Just because I see you at work, doesn't mean we're 'close'.'
Sidle somewhere else!

Honest

Prayer overheard (in British accent):
"God, you're mad as a hatter. And you're up to no good."

Mind Bending Questions

It seems like alot of conversations I've had recently are about guys trying to understand girls and grils trying to understand guys. These topics have baffled the sexes since the beginnings of time, so clearly, with any conversation, we are no closer to finding answers. Last night, the topics were: 1. Girls Hair: Short or Long, 2. Do Guys Really Look at a Girls Mom to Determine What She will Look Like When She is Older?, 3. Do Girls Really Want to Date, like They Say They Do, or Do They Only Want to Go Out With The One?, 4. Are Online Services for Those That are Busy or for the Socially Challenged, 5. If Girl Sends an E-Mail That Invites All Your Guy Friends Somewhere, But Not You, Was That Intentional or Mistake? (I'm exhausted.)